IDK?

I really don't know what I am supposed to be doing right now. I am working at a job that doesn't pay that great, trying to support a growing family, while also being away from the woman I love. All I want to do is be with her, and help her, but I am here in Cedar Falls, IA working at Best Buy, standing all day waiting for people to come in for me to tell them to talk to someone else in the department. The whole picture seems a little dumb and pointless, but there is other ways to look at it . I am given this opportunity to work for money to provide for my woman, and to create a foundation for myself.

I know all of this will pass in time, but the thing is, is that I don't have much time. Plus I have been feeling sick a lot lately, and that is just the enemy trying to weigh me down. I need to keep up confidence but that is hard to do when you money situation is super tight. I just have to pray for God to show me the way.

With God all things are possible.

right now I am feeling sadness. I don't know how I feel 100%, but I do know that I can identify some of these feelings as sad, alone, stuck, hopeless, and negative just to name a few. I am caring about what people think way to much and am caring about the outward appearance rather than what makes ME feel better. My health isn't up to par either. I mean, I am perfectly healthy, but my back is bad, I am getting heartburn much more than usual, my bowels aren't functioning as normal, and I am continuously sore and tired.
What I think happened is I spoiled myself in the sense of buying to many things that I want right away, and not being patient and waiting for the things I work for, instead I just get them and keep them and look for something else new and better. I feel like I am not good enough and that I am just on a ride. I need to get back into church and really need to get right with God. I feel like Im hiding things that dont need to be hidden, and scared of things i never need to be scared of.

Worries

The thing I hate most, is waking up' to a decent night sleep, worried and scared as all get out. Feeling like you have no body there, and that you have no direction in life. Scared that you aren't doing the right thing, and that what your doing now is a waste of time.
This is the work of the devil. He is trying to take control over my thoughts and send me down paths that I know are not true or right. He always attacks me at my weakest point which is usually in the morning or later at night when I am all alone. Sometimes I just don't know where I am going, and feel like I should know, but generally in life people never know where they are going. We just tend to forget about it, get by, and try and have fun while we are at it. It's just that sometime I don't know where God wants me placed, but that is not my worry. God will place me wherever He thinks best suits me!
I am just writing this to keep myself from having a panic attack, and to calm my senses and nerves down. It is hard to stand out in a world full of sins because so often are overcome by it.

On the Upside

Today was much better than the previous. Since I have something to look forward to today (work), my attitude has changed tremendously  It really makes a difference when you have a purpose and are active instead of sitting on the couch trying to figure out what you should do with your life. I think you should just DO life instead of trying to grasp what you should do. First, have a basic knowledge of what you like and want to do, make sure there is room to grow, then work your hardest at doing what you need to do to show your boss and team members that you are a head above the rest and that you go the extra mile, instead of wanting to leave work early and catch your late night show you HAVE TO WATCH! Tv is a waste of time anyways, and if you have a DVR then you have nothing to gripe about.

All I want to do is be happy, love God, love people, and be a great influence to the people around me. Happiness comes with all of these things since they are all relevant. So if I  keep it up, I can conquer anything! The possibilities are endless for anyone out there that isn't sure what you want to do with your life. I say get a basic idea and work off of it, and do what is in your limits. Don't overload yourself to a point where you are hating what you used to like, because then all the enjoyment will be gone! You have to start somewhere, so might as well start at a point where it isn't hard to complete the tasks set forth, and it is isn't entirely easy because we all need a challenge in life, cause what is the fun in life if there is no challenges!?

There is good things to come in everyones life, no matter what your circumstances are! I know my life hasn't been all peaches and gravy, but I know God's got my back, and he is always here when I need Him.

Where do I belong?

Well friends, I have come to a crossroads. I just moved to Arizona, and yes, the landscape is beautiful, and the weather is always sunny. I just am so lonely and depressed because I have no one to talk to or interact with. I try to get involved in the church I am going to, but the only drawback is they have around 10,000 members. It is so hard to get involved in a church when all the needs of serving have been pretty much all been met. The church says that everyone can be used to serve, but I think they are saying that just to be nice, and make everyone feel like they need to get involved. I know God has great plans for me, but I don't know where He is leading me yet. It seems that when ever I get to a new "home" or place, I feel very depressed and lonely after a month or so. I don't know if this feeling is normal or if I just belong somewhere else. I just really enjoy being surrounded by people that love me, and care about my well being while also being surrounded by a beautiful landscape that I can use and enjoy and also appreciate.

Right now in my life, I feel like a wandering child in a supermarket, looking for his mother. While content and satisfied that I am on my own, I still want to return to where I belong. The cost of living in Arizona is extremely greater than it is in the Midwest. Plus, I love the cold and snow, weird to say, but yes I love the extreme changes, since my whole life has been accustomed to rapid change.

Never-the-less, it seems that I can never stay put. I was just getting use to my roots as an Iowan, then got lead away from it, thinking that a better and brighter future lay ahead. I still would like to believe that, but when you don't have anyone to talk to, converse with, or even share your stories and emotions with, you tend to get really lonely and depressed like I am feeling right now. I am sure when I start work tomorrow everything will change, but as of lately, I have just been wanting to return to the place I am used to and accustomed too instead of trying to make up a new repertoire of friends, and discover new places to eat, drink, and chill.

If you have any advise for me, I am all ears. Please send prayers my way, because I am really struggling to find out who I am, and what I need to do in this life.

Where do I start, but who really cares cause no one reads this. . . but I can't stand myself. I am up, then I am down, somedays I am in the middle, and somedays I'm super stoked. How does this make sense? What I want the most is consistency  but my family is never consistant. They are always changing this, changing that. I just need consistency! With my life being as scattered as it is, I need things to be in order, to be set in place, not always constantly changing! *For instance* my family can not keep a car, instead my dad always thinks up some idea that ends up just stressing him out then of course it falls back on my mom, then on me (since I am living here at the moment). I just don't see the point in getting rid of a brand new car, when it serves a purpose in what you do in your daily life! 

Another thing is, is that my heart is always racing, which makes it very tough to hold in my emotions, whether they be negative or positive. It is driving me crazy, All I want to do is have normal goals, be healthy, and be mentally healthy, but when you have family around you that is always wanting to change or do something out of the ordinary, or on a whim, it just throughs me all off! I can't even explain the feeling... It is like my mind explodes then just shuts down and tunes everything out. I guess that is another thing I can ask God to fix too. With that said, I am gonna pray...

L8TR

Some days are mixed... kinda like the nuts

Somedays, there will be a little good and a lotta bad, or visa versa, but when you have a family that is not outwardly or inwardly happy it tends to effect how you react and how you interact around them. 
Naturally, I am a happy-go-lucky person, and almost always have a positive outlook on everything, but it seems when I spend too much time with my family it turns me into a really negative person, given out circumstances. I feel so bad for nearly everyone in our family, because of one huge mistake that happened 10 years ago this Easter, to my dad. I will post a story about this later on when I am feeling up to writing a page or two (because the story is a long story). Basically my dad is disabled from head to toe, and can't do much of anything, let alone do the bare minimum a human being can do. In turn, this affects my mom greatly as she has all the responsibility in the house and has to do nearly everything to keep my dad afloat. She often can't take the stress and just turns into a emotionless zombie, which in turn affects me cause now I have no mom, no dad, and 2 brothers. It's hard but you can sometimes catch them when they are in a good mood, but 87.34% they are usually not. There is always some problem going on, and if it's not one thing it's the other and it's always negative. It is easy to stray away from God when you have these kinds of issues going on, but i see it as an opportunity to do better and to be a better example for Christ, and show other people that there is hope, and that there is a way out of darkness, and into the light. Ya, it might sounds cliche, but it's damn true, and I know it because I have experienced a lot of negativity in my life, and God kicked me in the butt, and told me to get it together. It wasn't a voice that was crystal clear, calling out of the sky to me, but it was a uncomfortable urge and a calling to get my life back on the path it needed to be on. 

BUT! On the plus side of today I had an interview with Colombia Outerwear Apparel, and it went EXCELLENT! I got complimented on my handwriting, got told I Aced the interview, and also got told that they would be giving me a call in about 2 weeks to follow up with me. I am more than excited, because this is the launch of a new beginning for Samuel P. Meyers, and I am gonna show this company what I am all about. Dedication, motivation, and work ethic! So there you have it, today was a pretty awesome day on my part, and tomorrow will be even better because I said so!
Also, I went to this antique store and bought this dope Native American made ring with Opal and Obsidian inlayed in it. Beautiful

God, I believe that you have great plans for me in my journey called life, but could you please help out mom and dad a little bit. Yes, you have blessed them with a great home, and nice things, but it seems emotionally and physically they are suffering. I just ask that you could put a fire in my mothers heart, and heal my father enough to were he can't be sustainable. 

Read it and Die and Stuff

i like the fact that in approx. 7 days i will be in a different town living a different life, on my birthday, without the factors that edge on my problems the most. Strippin it down to the main essentials. God, family, and nature. With these three things, I am whole. All I need is these 3 wonderful gifts and I am fulfilled. If you want to be a smartass then, YES i need food and water, but besides all the necessities  all other items are wants or excuses. I can go explore territory I have yet to see, and be among plants and creatures I have yet to come in contact with. Seems like a pretty great, grand ol' time to me!
OH! and I forgot to list I am getting my bipolar disorder straightened out, so I can be 100% solid in everything I do. Right now I am runnin on about 47 or 49% which is unmanageable at this point. Once I get things settled, it will open up so many new doors and possibilities for me to explore.

OH YEAH>>>>> something that just hit me while writing>>>>>>>>
                           
God is the one who put me hear (believe it or not, that is what I choose to believe), soI have been instructed by Him to make believers out of other people by the example I set forth. Now, granted most of this is pretty hard and grueling, because after all, who wants a bunch of people following your roll which you have learned from Christ?  Not too many, since once you slide, your following or group tends to slide with you.
The thing we have gotta do is show people we aren't perfect, but that we are striving for perfection in the eyes of God. We will never live up to man's expectation, but if we seek God's council we can not go wrong.

peaceandlove

Red Rocks

If you read my blog, you know that I am leaving the corn state to move to the state of the red rocks and beautiful sunsets. Part of me will miss being a country boy, and the other will love leaving the stupid bipolar weather. I don't have too many friends that I honestly care about or hangout with here so I won't really miss them (no offense), but the thing I am scared about the most is being prepared for going down there. The second is pleasing people. For some reason it has always been my goal to get others approval and to make others proud instead of focusing on God and I's relationship. I mean, I can try all I want to make me happy, but I will get no where without God. I will always need his approval to make my life easier.

Another thing that I am HAPPY about, is seeing my little brother and puupy, Bailey again. Both bring greats joy in my life. David is just a great kid, I swear you won't find another kid who has such a willing spirit to help or learn. He just wants a friend and example to look up too, which will be me when I get down there. Also, Bailey. The best dog I could have ever asked for. I can read her like a book and she understands me all too well too.

Basically what I am going to Arizona for is to get help with my mental disabilities AKA BIPOLAR disorder, ADD, and whatever else I have that strays me away from getting things done. Being bipolar sucks butt, because it is such an emotional roller coaster... One minute you are up and ready to take on the world and the next your ready to die and jump off a cliff. Some days you are in the middle and things are just, bleh, then the next day things cause just be stellar! It is really emotionally exhausting. It also makes your mind race and think about negative things that you would never think about on a daily basis. All I can say is I am looking forward to getting my mental status taken care of, and that I am glad my family is willing to help me out on my journey. Without them I am nothing. They are always there for me in my greatest times of need.

Prayers, love, and thoughts for me would and are greatly appreciated. I could use them. I get discouraged a lot and sometimes it is hard to get out of that rut. I want to be all manly and just tough it out but sometimes that only makes it worse. MEH! Oh well, life is life and I will be able to enjoy the pleasures of Arizonas scenery and nature which makes me happy.

Love God Love People Influence Everyone with your Actions


SAM PAUL

EVERYDAY PEOPLE

Ok, is it me, or are people just losing all sense of morality and respect? I really don't understand!!! I make a joke, and an insult with some hurtful heart smashing words comes flying back! I try to be more Christ-like, but it is really getting hard to keep my cool, and to be the bigger person, because it seems to me that people these days just aren't getting it!

We all know the saying that actions speak louder than words, but I am really questioning that how true that statement really is! Do people really know they are doing wrong, or are they so accustomed to doing it they don't even realize right from wrong, good from bad, evil from good.  

My mind seems to have the idea to just blow up on these useless peons, but God said to love your neighbor as yourself, and do unto others as you would want them to do to you. So, I still live by that to the best of my ability, even though it is very difficult, us Christians have to set ourselves apart from other so that they can see the personality of Christ through us, and want the same exact thing!

i will just have to be patient with this Kesha loving, neon wearing, DUBstep listening to era and just keep hoping it changes sooon. God is love and love is pretty tight. 

AMEN,

SAMBEO

Arizona

As some of you know I am making another move in my life, and that is to journey down to Arizona to be with my ma, pa, puppy, and little brother. It is kind of like I am starting over again, and I think this will be a good transition for me. I have been living a negative life here in Waterloo for the past 3 years, and have recently changed my outlook and perspective around. No more partying, smoking, and wild behavior. It's time to grow up.

With this change, I am going to be going to Gilbert COmmunity college to get some sort of degree under my belt so I can make a stable living for myself. Of course I am a little nervous about moving since I have recently been getting plugged into my church and have been making some great new friends and mentors. I will not lose these people by any means, but I will miss them and their great advice and support for me. I am really trusting God, that he will provide a great church body for me to get plugged into and to grow more in Him and to be a better person all around, since with GOD all things are acheivable.

My family has been pushing me a little to go down there to receive better care for my bipolar disorder, which I have just been diagnosed with. This disorder has really thrown me for a loop emotionally, physically, and mentally. I know with proper medical care, and with the Lord Jesus by my side I can cope with this and be a stronger person because of it. I just really need prayers and love sent my way.

Also what I think God has set upon my heart is being closer to the mountains. The mountains, trees, and wildlife seems to make me appreciate the work of God more and to love what he has set in front of me while also praising Him for it. I absolutely can't express to you how much of a joyous feeling I get when I get to see the sun set over the red mountains of Arizona. It is indescribable  I feel like screaming praises out to Him for the wonderful creations He has put in front of us that so many people overlook in their everyday lives.

Yes, I am hesitate, yes I am nervous, but I will have the loves of my life right there beside me pushing me and encouraging me every step of the way. I love any one person who reads this, and I pray you stay safe in this Iowa weather this winter. It is treacherous.


MUCH LOVE

sampaul

Suitcases and Drums

Playing a gig at the HUB tonight. I am supposed to be playing percussion, but I decided to bring a suitcase, snare, and straight cymbal stand. With these I will create pure awesomeness. I will let you know the outcome, which will probably be mediocre. 

LATERZ

substance

Ok, so here is another thought,

I often take things upon myself, I always feel if I mess up or slip up, I let myself down. I also often dwell on the fact that I have messed up or could have done things more efficiently in order to make a process or task move faster.

This is not my duty to wear down my inner being with negativity which is provided by the dark side. The enemy wants me to believe that it is my fault so I will go back to my old ways of smoking, drinking, or other unneeded worldly things. These things will only temporarily help the situation, but will hurt anyone in the long run. TEMPORARY FIX "they" call it, but weed, liquor, nor drugs will ever solve or resolve your/ my problem. It will only be a sidetrack, and make your soul and emotion feel worse afterwards.


BLOGGERSPAM OUT

be neighborly

As I stroll through my daily motions, it seems to me that many, if not all, people are unaware of how separated we all are. I like to think back to the 50's when Billy and Susie would be playing outside in their '57 Chevy pedal cars, while ma was doing the gardening and dad was fixing his old jalopy. Neighbors would stroll by and see how you were doing, ask if you wanted to come over for a get together later that night, or maybe even go to a car race later that weekend.

It seems now we despise talking or even reaching out to one another. "If you look at me the wrong way I'll beat your f**king face off," is more common than,"How do you do ma'am?" or "Would you like help carrying your belongings to your door?" It seems to me that the world and the people around us have gotten sour, rotten, and unattractive. Selfish is the best word that comes to my mind when I say hi to someone and get no response back, or hold the door for a group of people and here no sign of thanks or gratitude. 

It seems that the media wants us to portray each other as criminals, sexual predators, or perverts, and to stay away from one another because who knows what the creepy old guy down the street will do if you accidentally through your ball into his yard. For all WE know he is gonna bring out his shotgun and blow us to smithareens! NOT TRUE. Half of the "creepy" old guys we have never talked to have the most amazing stories you have ever heard in your whole entire tiny, stupid, sheltered life. Granted his stories may be a little exaggerated, but what story isn't exaggerated??? 

I guess the moral of this explosion of thoughts and words is,

GET THE HELL OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE AND MAKE CONVERSATION.

          You don't need to know a guys life story in one sitting, but you would be surprised to find out how much you can learn from a person from just talking to them for 10 minutes, 

PEACE AND LOVE

-sampauleatsbearswhenhe'shungry

Getting out of Your Little Bubble

You know, sometimes direction in life is not only found by you and your knowledge, but by building off of what other more "knowledgable" people have told you throughout your life. The reason I may seem knowledgable, is because I have worked and learned off of what other older, wiser people have taught me, which in turn, gives me the leeway to share that knowledge with other people.

Kids, teenagers, and students nowadays seem like they lack the common sense and necessities they need in life, let alone survive. It seems that people and kids are living just to "live" nowadays cause they have no hope for the future, because "who knows what the future may hold, so why not just party and have a good time and waste away the life God has given us to go out and make neat, interesting new friends?"

*In all honesty, who really cares about other people in the first place*. It seems that we/ us Americans live such sheltered lives, that we will never get to meet these amazing people before they die off and the knowledge and livelihood of these people are gone forever. Well, yeah the internet is here to help, but it certainly doesn't provide us with EVERYTHING we need!

Just let me give you a couple examples of people that I have met over the past years that have helped me obtain knowledge that I could have never learned from a book.

STEVE SCHULTZ: A man who raced the Indi 500, on an old Yamaha 2 stroke (rd400/350 can't remember right). The only reason he won it is because for one he split the cylinder heads in two separate pieces so it would reduce the vibration of the 2 pistons that we set side by side, and another is that he was one crazy bastard and kept the throttle pinned and had the skill and the knowledge to know when to break, accelerate, and let off the throttle at the right moment.

ED KUNATH: Ed, is one of the my friends I look up to the most, besides my father. I am pretty sure he obtains too much information for his own good, but that is why I favor him so much. Anytime I need to ask him a question about anything, he will either, know the answer, tell me who knows the answer, or find the answer by digging into the problem at hand. Ed has to be one of the most knowledgable guys I have ever met, and also one of the most witty intellectual men on this planet, and at that we share many many many of the same interests.

JON MEYERS: My dad is the best. Flat out best. No one can beat him. No one can contest with him. He is a living miracle of Gods work at hand. He has taught me all I know from when I was 0 to my present age of 21. My dad is the type of person that if he doesn't know the answer, he will sure as hell find it out, and if he can't find it out, he will fabricate something to make the problem solved. He and I share mostly all of the same interests and he has never failed to give me a bad piece of advice. He suffers everyday from excruciating pain, but seems to pull through, no matter what the issue is that day.
*I HAD TO SAVE THE BEST FOR LAST*

All in all, i just want to let you know to get the hell out of you little comfort bubbles and go talk to your neighbors. You don't know who they are until you meet them, and if they're dicks, well at least you figured that out, and you can press on to the next neighbor.


*excuse my language and my improper use of punctuation.*

GOD BLESS